Social belonging is a fundamental human need hardwired in our biology—its vital to our physical and mental health and affects how readily we engage with our work and our colleagues. While organizations increasingly mandate in-person work to foster connectivity, creating a sense of belonging—the sense that we are an accepted, and even integral, part of a group—is not guaranteed by proximity.
While many factors undoubtedly influence whether we experience belonging in the workplace, there are ways to foster it independently. If you are new to a job or feel isolated at the office (or in your home), consider using the following strategies.
A framework for creating a sense of belonging
Though our need to belong requires long-term, stable bonds, it also demands frequent, positive interactions within those relationships. Importantly, this means belonging can be experienced dynamically, influenced by the people, systems, and events in our work environment interacting with each of us individually. This means that our sense of belonging can change throughout a workday.
Understanding belonging as both a fundamental human need and a dynamic, individualized experience, researchers have proposed four interrelated aspects of everyday life that give rise to our sense of belonging:
- Perceptions: How we interpret social interactions
- Competencies: Skills and abilities that help us connect
- Opportunities: Space, place, and time for connection
- Motivation: How proactively we seek social opportunities
Though influenced by the external environment, these four aspects of everyday life can also provide a framework for exercising personal agency.
Understand your perceptions
As humans, we naturally evaluate whether or not we feel connected to our colleagues—a process influenced by prior social experiences, self-confidence, and the extent to which we feel lonely. When feeling down or disconnected, we more readily interpret what others do or say as a reflection of ourselves and our social abilities, creating a “loneliness loop” in which we distance ourselves socially.
However, by looking inward, we can orient our perceptions more positively.
Start by reflecting on what elicits feelings of not belonging:
- Are there certain situations where this repeatedly occurs?
- What state of mind are you in beforehand?
- What prevents you from feeling more connected to others?
When you experience these moments, write down when and where they occur and what you were thinking and feeling. By identifying patterns, you can deepen your understanding of what hinders or supports your sense of belonging and distinguish what you can control versus what may be a part of your workplace.
You can also challenge your perceptions by focusing on ways in which you complement colleagues. If a colleague is more outgoing and talkative than you are, consider that you might actually make a good team because you prefer to listen and synthesize during brainstorming meetings. You might also discover a natural partnership with a far more senior colleague who is open to mentoring. To habituate this way of thinking, practice jotting down possible connection points during regular team meetings.
Forge connections with your colleagues
Interacting with anyone, from close friends to colleagues, requires substantial skill and energy. Focusing on communication to support your sense of belonging recognizes the complexity and nuance involved in engaging socially.
Active listening is a vital component of communication that supports deeper connection—and is a skill that we often overestimate. In other words, we believe ourselves to be better listeners than we are in reality.
The key to active listening is threefold:
- Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues
- Demonstrate interest through active inquiry
- Focus on understanding, not problem-solving
Through active listening, you focus on learning something about your conversation partner.
Pro Tip: Active listening not only facilitates connections with others but also reduces your self-focus, allowing you to let go of your internal dialogue. Although self-focus is not intrinsically harmful, too much can magnify negative emotions that arise when you feel like an outsider—and ultimately demotivate you from reaching out to colleagues.
Carve out time and space for connection
It can be challenging to make time to connect with others, particularly when we feel like an outsider or are inundated with projects. However, finding or creating opportunities to bond is essential to cultivating a sense of belonging.
Schedule a week or two where you say “yes” to any opportunity to spend time with others—be that over Zoom or ad hoc invites to pick up lunch around the corner. The rule is that you have to say “yes” to any invitation and opportunity that fits your schedule without judging the activity. If you dislike Zoom meet-ups or the choice of restaurant, remember that the activity is not the point—it’s about social connectivity.
You can also make small gestures to connect with colleagues. When leading meetings, check in with people on a personal level before diving into the agenda, or, if working remotely, take five minutes every other afternoon to ask how someone is or to share an update. While commuting, consider sending off a few quick “just saying hello” emails while waiting at the train station.
Make the effort with others
Making an effort to foster our own sense of belonging can be difficult. Building connections takes time, patience, and persistence—and our workplace can either help or hinder personal efforts to foster meaningful relationships. Beyond this, we each want to be valued for our uniqueness, not just our ability to blend with a team or organization seamlessly. All of this can make our own agency in the process seem insufficient or the task overwhelming.
Nevertheless, try to remember that personal efforts can make a difference. The more we attempt to cultivate belonging, the more likely we are to feel valued and positively interpret others’ intentions. Simply put, the more we engage, the more likely we are to find belonging, even if that feeling develops slowly.
